Every summer for the last 650 years, Turkish men have gathered to see who was the strongest, fastest and slickest of them all. It’s called Kirkpinar, and it’s the biggest oil wrestling competition in the world.

The well-muscled men face off in the middle of a grassy field, as a crowd of thousands looks on eagerly. Slowly, methodically, they cover their chests and legs with olive oil — first with the right hand, then with the left. Then they take turns oiling each others’ backs.

And what does one wear for the competition? If your first guess was leather, go to the head of the class.

Aside from copious amounts of olive oil, the sport requires just one piece of equipment: A pair of thick, tight knickers made from water buffalo hide or calf leather. The “kispet” can weigh almost 30 pounds, and is a critical element of the bouts: because their opponents are covered in oil, the leather short pants are sometimes the only thing that provides leverage. The pant legs are sewn shut with thread before the match to prevent opponents from slipping a finger inside for an easy throw.

Who says Turkey doesn’t belong in the European Union? If the Finnish people with their wife carrying contest are members, the Turks and Kirkpinar are a natural fit.

“Our dependence on imported oil is killing our economy. It is the single biggest problem facing America today,” he said.

But T-Boone moved beyond whining to release “The Pickens Plan, which “calls for investing in domestic renewable resources such as wind, and switching from oil to natural gas as a transportation fuel,” and will, he claims, reduce our reliance on foreign oil by “more than one-third”.

Just listen to what this radical hippy environmental wacko Republican moneybags / Bush and Swift Boat funder has to say:

“Wind power is … clean, it’s renewable. It’s everything you want. And it’s a stable supply of energy,” Pickens told CNN in May. “It’s unbelievable that we have not done more with wind.”

Of course, T. Boone’s Mesa Power is poised to blanket Texas with wind turbines and turn all that hot air into cold hard cash. But hey, it sure beats oil, and if someone this conservative can invest in alternative energy, then it should send a strong signal to others that the time to jump is now.